Infinite Fear Page 2

  “Nice to meet you,” she says holding out her hand, but still not moving her eyes.

  “My face is up here,” I say cockily. So that’s what it feels like when I talk to a chick and only stare at her breasts.

  “I know,” she replies before jumping onto the platform to set up.

  “Who is that?” I ask Jade.

  “Nina’s my emcee for tonight. But Jackson, hands off the goddamn merchandise. You are not allowed to fuck her before tonight. I need her on her A game. It’s important,” Jade scolds.

  “Scouts honor,” I say holding up two fingers. “But what makes you think spending a little time with me won’t have her on her A game?”

  “I mean it,” Jade glares.

  “Okay,” I laugh, raising my hands in mock surrender. Nina leans over into her satchel bag, her hot pink G-string making a welcome appearance. My dick responds immediately. I can’t wait to take her home.

  Emmanuel and Julius stand up as I watch the sexual phenomenon that is Nina work with Jade. I stare openly.

  “You ready Jay?” Emmanuel asks.

  “Yep,” I say downing the last remnants of my whiskey. “I’ll see you later Jade,” I call with a wave.

  “Are you coming tonight?’ Jade calls.

  “I certainly fucking hope so,” I say, fixing my gaze on Nina. She doesn’t look up from the equipment, but her lips curl into a small smile. It’s already a done deal.

  “We have to make a drop tonight,” Emmanuel says, lighting a cigarette as we drive off.

  “What time?” I ask.

  “Ten,” he replies. “Should be done by twelve.”

  “Can it be wrapped up faster? I promised to get back to the club to see Jade’s set. I need to be back by eleven,” I say, thinking about the abject horror of missing my chance with Nina.

  “These guys are cool, just come with me to do the drop, and then leave. I just need you watching my back for the first part. You don’t have to stay for the formalities. I’ll need you to take the cash. You can take the Camaro, and I’ll get one of the boys to come get me after,” he answers.

  I nod. Sounds like a plan.

  “Stash the money with Eva,” he says, taking a drag.

  Eva is Emmanuel’s on again off again fuck buddy. She stays faithful, screws him when necessary and doesn’t question where else he’s been. In return, she gets to happily spend Emmanuel’s cash. The very definition of a gold digger. I can’t stand Eva, but I tolerate her for Emmanuel’s sake.

  I consider opening a beer from the stash on the back seat, but change my mind. I want to remember Nina saying my name tonight.

  Chapter 3

  Emmanuel and I pull up to an abandoned warehouse in the old industrial district, the streetlights flickering ominously above us. For the most part, the drop goes well. I stay for the exchange and take the cash. Emmanuel stays behind to negotiate future terms for Julius’ business. I hate driving around with a bag full of cash. I hate what we do. But it is, simply, what we do.

  I pull up outside Eva’s house. As usual, Eva and her pack of pretenders are sitting on the porch, vodka in hand. She walks over as she seems me pull up, thinking I’m Emmanuel. Her hips sway provocatively, the tracks in her hair clearly visible, even at this distance. As I step out of the car, her posture stiffens when she realizes I’m not her sugar daddy.

  “Oh, it’s just you,” she drones.

  “Always so nice to see you too,” I reply sarcastically.

  I hand her the bag. She unzips the top and pulls out five crisp hundred-dollar bills, shoving them into her bra.

  “Payment for services?” I say sardonically.

  “Fuck you,” she spits.

  “You wish,” I say laughing before jumping back into the Camaro and making my way over to the club.

  As I walk in, I notice a multitude of unoccupied seats. That’s because, as per usual when Jade DJ’s, the majority of the crowd is on the dance floor. Nina’s smooth voice comes over the mic as I walk in. “Put your hands up!” she yells. The crowd willingly obeys. Her voice demands obedience; she completely commands the crowd. I see now why Jade wanted her here. A lone man in an expensive suit sits at the bar, eyes fixed on Jade and Nina. That must be the guy who came to check her out.

  I grab a bottle of water and make my way over to the DJ platform. Sobriety. I need that for later. Nina walks over and says something to Jade before jumping off the platform. She promptly grabs the water from my hand.

  “Thanks,” she says breathlessly.

  “No problem, except I didn’t offer,” I say over the loud music.

  “I didn’t ask,” Nina replies, still unapologetic, but with a coy smile.

  She walks down the corridor to the dressing rooms and turns to me. “Are you coming?” she calls. What the fuck?

  “Can I help you with something?” I ask, deliberately evasive as she closes the door to a room behind us.

  “You can. Ever heard of a quickie, two minutes or less? I’m on the clock,” she answers, sliding her pants off to reveal the hot pink G-string I had unofficially met earlier. Nina looks at me expectantly.

  My dick stands to attention. “How do you expect me to have you begging for more if you only give me two minutes to show you how talented I am?” I reply, walking over and weaving my hand through her hair, pulling it back gently.

  “If you’re as talented as you say you are, two minutes should be ample time,” she replies, moving to undo my belt and jeans. “If you can’t amaze me in two minutes, then you don’t make my shortlist.”

  “No one ever makes my shortlist,” I reply.

  “Are you going to fuck me or play word games for the rest of the night? Do I need to look for a better option?” she jibes back.

  My dick solidifies from how ballsy Nina is. “There isn’t one,” I reply. I grab her thighs and hitch her up onto the dressing table. I lean forward to find her lips but she quickly averts her head. “No love making,” she says breathlessly. “Just fucking.”

  Don’t need to tell me twice. I push her G-string to the side and dive in, without a moment’s more hesitation. I thrust deeply into her, purposefully, making sure that I time myself to meet her hips with every thrust. Her legs clench around my ass, pulling me deeper. “Say my name, I want to hear it,” I growl into her hair.

  She ignores me. I should feel emasculated right now. I don’t. My hands grip her ass and pull it into me. Faster, deeper. Her nails dig mercilessly into the flesh of my shoulder blades. Her body arches towards mine as she breathes raggedly into my ear. There is no space between us, not even a millimeter. Her body convulses as I dive in one last time. For a brief moment she stays still, before gently pushing me back and disembarking from the desk that hosted our wild ride.

  I feel like I’m standing here, dick in hand right now. Not literally. I watch Nina hitch up her pants and comb her fingers through her hair. Did she just use me for sex? Now I know what violated feels like.

  “Less than two minutes, good job,” she says before patting me absently on the back and walking out the door. It takes me another good two minutes to wipe the look of shock from my face and clothe myself again.

  When I walk out, Nina’s back on stage. I want to see a slight tremble in her legs, or hear one in her voice, but I don’t. She’s all business again. Like we didn’t just shatter the world in the room next door. I grab a whiskey, served to me once again by Amber.

  “Did you get promoted?” I ask, not impolitely, just a little baffled as to why the stripper is behind the bar.

  “Maybe,” she says licking her lips and batting her ridiculously long glued-on eyelashes at me. “Besides, everyone wants to fuck the bartender.”

  Not everyone. Some of us just want to keep fucking the emcee. Or maybe all of us want that. Nina has all eyes on her. Quite a few of the men in the club stare in her direction, transfixed. Some holding glasses that they haven’t sipped from since she got back from riding me.

  Amber follows my eyes over to the DJ booth. �
�What does she have that I don’t?” she asks miserably.

  “The question you should be asking is, what doesn’t she have, that you do,” I reply sarcastically before grabbing my glass and making a quick exit. Staying too long after that comment might result in a bottle of some kind being smashed across my temple.

  I meander through the crowds, casually chatting with acquaintances, all the while keeping my eyes firmly planted on Nina’s ass. My mind runs through the one and a half minutes of our quickie. I consider myself fucking lucky that she chose me over the multitude of dicks in this place. The set finishes later than expected, just after one in the morning. Jade looks wrecked, but Nina on the other hand, still looks amped. I must admit, I stayed here and remained almost wholly sober just in case she came back for seconds.

  “Hey,” Jade smiles, collapsing into my arms.

  “Tired?” I ask sympathetically. “You did well, babe.” I give her a small squeeze. Nina walks up behind her and nods her head for me to come over. Hot anticipation rises in my jeans.

  “Ready to go home?” I say with a grin.

  “Yes, alone.” She answers coolly. What the fuck?

  “So, what exactly do you want then?” I ask, matching her sterile tone.

  “To give you this,” she answers holding up a folded note between her index and middle fingers.

  “And this is?” I jibe. She wants me to react. I can see it in the way her eyebrows arch in shock when I dismiss the offending paper.

  “My number, and my address,” she replies, holding my gaze defiantly.

  “What for?” I ask reaching up to grab it.

  And as I do, she snatches it back towards her. “On one condition,” she says lowly, taking a step closer. “I’ll call you when I need you. You have to swear to me that you understand that. I’m adding you to my shortlist, which means that I’m not looking for a boyfriend or a husband or someone to spoon with.”

  “Understood,” I nod solemnly, snatching the note. As soon as I have it in hand, my wicked grin re-emerges. “So I qualified? After a quickie? Just imagine what I could do with ten whole minutes?” I take a step towards her and lean in as if to kiss her. Her eyes widen, as I divert my kiss to her neck. Her head tilts backwards at the touch of my lips. My free hand snakes around her waist and I yank her towards me. I don’t really give a shit that the remainder of the crowd is bearing witness to the soft porn display we’re putting on inside the club.

  “You shouldn’t try to take me on,” I whisper.

  Nina takes a step back. “I’m not,” she says eyeing me defiantly, all business again. “You want me…” She trails off, not wanting to admit the last part.

  “Say it,” I say lowly, “say you want me too.” I know she won’t. But I’m liking this game we’re playing. And for a while, a small while, I realize that I actually forgot about Shana.

  Chapter 4

  Without thinking, I offer to give Jade a ride home. I forget that it’s not just Jade though, but also her mountains of equipment that need to leave the premises. After spending an hour playing a tedious game of Tetris to get the amp and subs into the trunk of the Camaro, we’re ready to head off.

  Waiting for Jade to stop talking is another story. I lean against the Camaro, tapping my leg impatiently. I’m sober, it’s almost three in the damn morning and, did I mention, I’m still sober. Which means I will stay awake for the rest of the night, and I will have no option but to think. Think about Shana, and about how I’m fucking wasting my life. About all of things that I work so hard to keep at the back of mind.

  I’m about to walk back into the club to carry Jade out, when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

  EMMANUEL CALLING lights up on the screen.

  “Yo!” I answer.

  “Jay, can you come get me? The boys haven’t shown up yet,” Emmanuel says. The words run together as they leave his mouth. He’s either extremely high, extremely drunk or extremely both.

  “Are you still at the warehouse? What the fuck are you still doing there?” I ask.

  “I just told you, my ride never showed. Besides, these guys are okay to hang with!” The guys in the background cheer at his reply.

  I sigh into the phone. “Let me drop Jade off, I’ll be there after.”

  “Hurry the hell up man!” he says before ending the call.

  Jade saunters over to the car. I shoot her an annoyed glare “What!” she laughs. “I was networking.”

  “Get your ass in the car!” I huff, walking over to the driver’s side.

  Jade stays mum as we drive. And given that she’s a motor mouth, I know instantly something’s up. There must be something she wants to talk to me about, but doesn’t know how to bring up.

  Eventually, she can’t stay silent any longer. “So… I haven’t seen too much of you recently,” Jade says quietly.

  “I’ve been around,” I say, my eyes not leaving the road. Our mutual history with Shana and the pain we both felt when she left drove a wedge between us two years ago, one that has been slow to dissipate. It’s as if we remind each other of losing her.

  “I know, I’ve heard,” she replies. I wait to hear the teasing lilt in her voice. There isn’t one. “Have you ever considered going to find her?” The question leaves her mouth cautiously.

  “What the hell for?” I ask laughing sarcastically. “Why the hell would I look for someone who clearly doesn’t want to be found? Who obviously didn’t give enough of a shit about either of us to even bother saying goodbye? You honestly want me to start some kind of search and rescue? After all this time?” My fingers grip the steering wheel. Jade knows how much I hate to talk about this shit.

  “I mean that we should hire someone to find out if she’s okay. I just want to know that she’s okay,” Jade says quietly. “And I think it may be good for you too. Some closure.”

  Jade says quiet for a moment longer. She knows me well enough to know that planting the idea was all she really needed to do. “And I haven’t said thank you yet for not fucking my emcee!” she laughs.

  “What makes you think I didn’t?” I ask with a sly grin.

  “Oh my god!” Jade yelps. “You are such a man whore! But you’d better be careful messing with that one. She’s a man eater.”

  “Then you can call me the fucking buffet!” I laugh.

  I drop Jade and her trunkful of music equipment off and head back over to the warehouse district to pick up Emmanuel. As per our usual plan, I park in a side street about a block away and finish the trip on foot. When I arrive at the warehouse, Emmanuel is standing at the rear door, waiting.

  He walks over and gives me a shoulder bump, and barely recovers to an upright position. As I’m about to ask how he managed to wreck himself so spectacularly, a shuffle breaks out in the warehouse. Emmanuel turns to investigate in his intoxicated stupor, when out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of a blue and red light reflected in one of the dust-coated windows inside.

  “Shit!” I curse quietly, yanking Emmanuel back and pulling him behind a rusted shipping container.

  “Get the fuck off me, man! I wanna see what the hell’s going on!” he shouts, yanking his arm violently from my grasp.

  “Cops!” I whisper. “We need to leave, now!” This observation seems to sober Emmanuel up enough for us to try to quietly make our escape.

  “I’m going to check the perimeter!” A loud voice calls, increasing in volume as the speaker draws nearer to the back door.

  “Go!” Emmanuel whisper-shouts, and I take off. Only he wasn’t as sober as I had earlier given him credit for. He loses his footing and slams hard into the shipping container. I turn on my heel, encased in darkness, shielded from the cop’s eyes.

  Emmanuel is not, however. He rights himself as the cop yells, “Stop! Down on the ground!” I can hear the cop’s gun cock. Emmanuel lays on the ground and stares straight at me. I look at his wide eyes, imploring me to run the hell away. I hesitate. Leaving him behind was not part of our plan. But I do. I slink into t
he alleyway beside me and take off like a bat out of hell towards the Camaro.

  Running while looking over your shoulder is a bitch. I exhale deeply when I land in the driver’s seat of the Camaro and drive off. I’m so racked with guilt right now, I can’t see straight. I should never have fucking left, that was a dog move on my part. I grip the steering wheel angrily.

  I drive the Camaro into the backyard once at my house on the off chance that someone at the warehouse saw it drive off. And then I lay awake. Downing whiskey after whiskey after whiskey. Until eventually, I fall into a blissfully numb sleep.

  I wake up to the shrill ring of my cell phone. The sun is high in the sky and the glare sears my eyeballs. I don’t recognize the number, but I answer anyway. Emmanuel’s low and cautious voice greets me on the other end of the line.

  “Jay, it’s me,” he says quietly.

  What do I say? How do I reply? How do you talk to your best friend when you abandoned him like that?

  “Don’t talk Jay, just listen. I’m locked up. I need you to get to Eva and let her know,” he says pointedly. I know what he means. He’s implying that I need to get the cash to Julius before she spends it and Julius starts asking questions.

  “Do you know when you’ll be out?” I ask, my voice raspy.

  “Not sure yet, you know how good the public prosecution is. Jay, it’s alright, man,” Emmanuel answers.

  I nod into the phone. He means that I shouldn’t feel guilty. But his words can’t change that. As I hang up the phone, my bedroom door flies open and in marches a very distressed-looking Jade.

  “Oh, thank God!” she yelps, gripping me in a fierce hug. “I heard Emmanuel got locked up, and I thought you may have been, too.”

  “I was there, I should have been,” I say, the guilt of it all causing me to avert my eyes down.

  Jade whacks me solidly in the arm. “Are you fucking crazy? You were not there, got it?” she scolds, glaring at me angrily.

  “I feel like I sold Emmanuel out,” I say.

  “Emmanuel is into way worse shit than you are, and you know it,” Jade replies. “Anyway, what’s the sense in both of you getting locked up? Don’t even pretend like Emmanuel wouldn’t have done the same thing as you if he had the chance,” Jade points out.